Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
this just has baby written all over it
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
