I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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