the condom got lost in my hair
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
