Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
