I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he thought i was a dude.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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