ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
