why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
