Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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