Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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