Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Text me some of your sweat
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
