I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
