she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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