By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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