He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
