I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
