My friends, they love my intelligence
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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