Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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