idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
he was CRYING into my vagina
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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