I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So much Jack, so little girl.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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