can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
