party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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