he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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