He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
