just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
