i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
