YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
