Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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