I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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