All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
