Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
