I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
