I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
