Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
