Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
