He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
