I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
