So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
