I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
