I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
