He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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