this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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