he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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