I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
