im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
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