I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
