she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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