omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
