i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
