we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Is Oprah even human
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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