rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
