that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
