I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
